UPDATE: Because of other sports news and the great outpouring of entries, we are going to publish the column based on this post and the reader responses in our biggest newspaper -- Sunday's -- and will put it online then too. Thanks for so many fine responses -- you guys are a lot funnier than I am and have made my first "crowdsourced" column a lot of fun to do... Scott. It is still fine to submit entries for your own amusement and those of others, but the contest deadline has passed to be under consideration for publication.
I wish I could dash off one-liners. I admire comedians or writers who only need a single line to make someone laugh. I can't do it well at all.
So I'm asking for your help. For an upcoming column I'm tentatively titling "The Curse of 7-9," I'm exploring the Panthers' history with that very common record.
The Panthers have now finished with a 7-9 record seven times in their short history, a record more than twice as common for Carolina as any other outcome. All four Panther head coaches went 7-9 at least once, and of course it was Carolina's record in 2012.
What does that have to do with you? I'm looking for your best one-liner, since I'm sure it will be better than mine. Winners' entries will be published in my upcoming column -- either anonymously or with their names attached, their choice -- and will also receive a Panther-themed book. All you have to do is finish this sentence (and please make this your original work, I don't want any plagiarized one-liners from Jerry Seinfeld):
Every time the Panthers go 7-9, it feels like ________________________________.
Major points will be given for originality and humor. Don't make this a treatise, please. I am looking for you to finish that one sentence with however many words you want. That's all.
Send your one-liners (please limit yourself to no more than two tries per person) either as a comment on this blog below or in an email to sfowler@charlotteobserver.com. You can comment anonymously and still enter. I will notify winners through another blog entry and via email and with my Twitter account (@Scott_Fowler). Deadline is 4 p.m. on Wednesday, Jan.9th.
We're moving!
9 years ago
Posts
128 comments:
..we're just one win away from mediocrity.
...it feels like my Kerry Collins jersey fits a little tighter.
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like my football soul is dyin'.
... like rain when they were predicting snow.
...Bill Murray waking up to Sonny & Cher.
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like the Panthers are who we thought they were.
Here are some good ones from Twitter, where I also posted this: "The terrorists are winning".... "It is what it is...." "the world is in order..." "Insanity -- because we keep repeating the same thing expecting a different result..." "Deja vu all over again..." and "Riding through the mist of Babylon to a morning of glory!"
7 9
not bad... if you are a basketball player.
...it feels like a ticket price increase is coming.
...Jerry Richardson feels like holding on to the reigns for just one more year.
Apple Maps gives better results.
it feels like seven wins and nine losses...duh!
...giving up a 59 yard pass play from your own end zone late in the 4th quarter!
its time to take out a full page ad, CHAMPIONSHIP!
...another season of bad football, and a parking lot scene riveling the fall of Rome.
not smelling napalm in the morning.
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like a family reunion of hope and despair.
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like Meatpile got his prediction right again... (granted only a few of you will get that)
it feels like nothing......
...Charlie Brown landing on his back again.
it feels like I'm sipping sweat out of one of David Carr's white gloves.
it feels like I'm Jimmy Clausen.
sincerely,
Jimmy
the first time...like the very first time
...A normal season of Panthers footall. I can still hear that incompetent moron marty hurney bragging about how the panthers have had only 1 double digit loss season over the last 10 years. Thats when you know you have a franchise contempt with mediocrity when this is their proudest accomplishment over the last decade.
it feels like the color gray
it feels like Steve Smith just popped you in the jaw and you got a lame settlement.
JR's philosophy:
8-8 would be great, but 7-9 is just fine.
it feels irrelevant.
feels like Deangelo Williams acting career... Dreadful.
it feels like Charlotte sports.
it feels like a wet pair of pants sagging down around your ankles.
it feels like a fat girl at a health food store.
feels like Armanti. Just barely good enough to remain in existence.
it feels like Cam Newton just called me sweetheart.
...you've yet again succumbed to the Chef's Special at Market Price and it still just tastes like chicken.
Playoffs!!!! Don't talk about Playoffs!!!! Are you kidding me Playoffs!!!! I just hope we can win a game. That is what 7-9 is.
...we have to help the sportswriters come up with something to fill their column.
Every time the Panthers go 7-9, it feels like will go to playoff again based on John Fox's era.
......."we're on that upward trend to next year's 8-8."
...like the first time... and the second, third, fourth, fifth...
...like someone is owed a beating with the "Keep Pounding" hammer.
Every time the Panthers go 7-9, it feels like Groundhog Day.
Rae Carruth getting released from prison.
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, the glass is still half empty!
Every time the Panthers go 7-9, it feels like George H W Bush saying, "Read my lips..."
Okay, class. Seven times seven equals what? "MEDIOCRE!"
...I look forward to another "rebuilding year."
...Landing an awesome job....that provides no benefits and pays terrbily.
Eating warm potato salad.
it feels like the Charlotte Observer is trying to charge me for an online subscription.
Watching an insect continually fly into a closed glass door.
At least kiss me first next time before you "it is what it is" me like that again.
It doesn't fit the structure but you could go with: "We don't always miss the playoffs, but when we do, it's usually by 7 and 9."
So you're saying there's a chance...
I should drink more liquor before, during and after every game.
...I just kissed my sister.
you and Tom Sorenson need to take over the coaching responsibilities - that would take care of everything.
I'm a slow learner.
I need to find a new hobby.
...The Groundhog Day where you took your cousin to the prom again and again and again...
I should have choked John Fox while I had the chance.
Seven and nine...Thud!
...my hemroids subleased another room in my colon to its inlaws!
...the first time you realized the Coyote was never going to catch the Roadrunner.
Seven and nine...Thud!
watching Jake Delhomme walking to the sidelines with his arms flailing in the air after yet another interception.
watching John Fox standing on the sidelines during a loss, arms crossed, chomping on his gum, staring at the sky.
...you were promised a trip to Athens and Rome and ended up in North Georgia.
it feels like warm apple pie
John Fox's smug and condescending press conferences after another loss.
Okay, Jay F made me laugh.
a draw play up the middle on 3rd and long.
when we first realized Jake Delhomme would never get pulled from the game no matter how horrible he was playing.
Every time they finish 7&9 I realize i am almost out of time
... Panther players should take out an article that says we promise to go 7-9 this season. That way they are more than likely correct and fans have realistic expectations. #EveryonesHappy
I must enjoy being miserable.
my visit to the proctologist wasn't so bad after all.
Playoffs? Playoff? You're talking about PLAYOFFS? we'll be lucky to win another game!!!!
It feels like watching Jake Delhomme Quaterback us again during his 5 INT and 2 lost fumbles in the Arizona Cardnial Playoff again, and rewarding him with a huge Contract.....
Tommy Pistolis
tpistolis@gmail.com
... well, the last time they went 7-9.
... being assimilated by the Borg!
Going to Vegas and placing a bet on next year's record.
...almost average
FIRE Strength and conditioning coaches! we have to many injuries!!!! 2 years in a row breaking records!!
Two wins from greatness and two losses from a good draft pick
Two wins from greatness and two losses from a good draft pick
the bubble burst,the rug gets pulled out from under me, my heart gets ripped out,I get kicked in the groin,my hair gets pulled,I cramp all over my body, I step in chewing gum on a 90 degree day,the dog ate my homework,I burnt the pork loin,we traded for Shaun Gilbert,signed Barry Foster, cut Steve Beurhlein, my wife say's "no!" to everything all at the same time but I continue to go to every Home Panther game through rain, snow, wind and blazing sun to cheer for our beloved Panthers
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9 I feel better because it could be 0-16.
7-9, because the 13-17th pick is where the stars are...
Everytime the Panthers go 7-9 I feel like... Stand and Cheer for the Panthers, Stand and Cheer for the team, the pride of both Carolinas, and the city of the Queen!
A Panther's Half-Dozen.
we should have been called the Carolina 79ers
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like I should become a Bobcats fan. Thank goodness I didn't go with my gut.
Every time the Panthers go 7-9, it feels like that time Chewbacca tried to get his driver's license.
I drink some Good Wine, cause we'll get better with Time!.....The Catman
7 & 9, you say losers, we say trending up!
trying to get excited about prom night when you are home schooled
It feels like.. david carr getting sacked yet again..
...getting underwear for Christmas.
Hey, at least we aren't Cleveland.
... like the Phoenix Suns of the NFL.
Hey, at least they matched the Bobcats win total for the season!
Hey, look at me looking at you as I laugh at you, again.
Going 7-9 again.... I hate it SOOOOO much..the it..flame-flames~~FLAMES, on the side of my face...
or
Anything could be finer than going 7-9er at a Panthers football ye-ea-ear.
DP77
"Hey, we are gonna finally get it together NEXT season!".
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like a Bojangles commercial without Jake Delhomme.. :(
Means we started awful, finished hot, and now have given me just enough hope to get dragged into believing next year we're definitely making the playoffs..
Charlotte has become Chicago and the Panthers the Cubs...
decaf coffee at 2 am
7-9 is the sound of wasted money
...it feels like league overexpansion.
I need more Preparation H
the flag guys do when they finally make it the other corner of the field
7-9.....feels kinda benign
........working hard to get into the AP class............and making a D+
feels like...perpetual maintenance of a foundation with no house.
"I got a rock."
Like a kiss after the third date...
7-9... one time it was a precursor to the Super Bowl! Those were good times...
it feels like a winning season is a really hot chick (like Miss Alabama) and the Panthers are Napoleon Dynamite.
Boom!
if you close your eyes it all feels the same.
Every time the Panthers finish 7-9, it feels like-..wait...I've said this before...
Groundhog Day
Feels like; I love paying full ticket price for a pre-season game!
We only won 7 games because we didn't want to embarrass the Bobcats. You are welcome MJ.
= change!
Home.
... it feels like next year might be our year... again.
.....Like the Atlanta Falcons in January.
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